Better Than New Years Resolutions: Three Alternatives

Every year, January brings an explosion of discussion around resolutions and goals. I get it. There’s an exciting energy in the start of a new year that we want to harness. But most of the time, the way we handle this sets us up for feeling disappointed and guilty by February.

Some pitfalls that seem to have particularly strong gravity:

• We pick too many goals.
• We pick things we think we should do but don’t actually want to do.
• We make unrealistic plans (hint: try harder is not a real strategy).
• We make plans from a highly self-critical place.

But if you are feeling that early January, possibilities in the air, anything can happen sort of energy, wonderful! There are better and more sustainable ways to make use of that that don’t involve making resolutions. Three ideas:

Alternative #1: Pick one area of focus

An area of focus is different from a resolution. Resolutions are specific things like, “I’m going to go vegan.” An area of focus is broader. What are you feeling drawn to? Maybe it’s your creative life, or friendships, or exploring what kind of exercise feels good to your mind and body. The question here is not “What do I want to accomplish?” but “What is asking for my attention?”

A word of caution: Notice I wrote, pick one area. ONE. Not three. Not five. Pick ONE area you’d like to give a bit more of your attention to in order to see how that feels. You are already in the midst of a life where multiple things are demanding your attention, which means that in order to give more to this chosen area of focus, something else will get less attention. The demands of last year don’t dissolve on January 1. This is a subtle and experimental shift, not an overhaul. There is no succeeding or failing. You’re just going to try a small shift in your attention and see how it feels.

Alternative #2: Keep what you like

We’re in a culture that tells us we must be constantly improving, and that the way to do that is to turn a critical eye to our lives to see what’s broken that we need to fix. Endlessly. But what about what’s working well? Have you tried something new in the last couple of years that’s been interesting? Have you cultivated a practice that is going well for you or found something you really enjoy? Use the New Year energy to notice, appreciate, and consciously decide to do keep doing that. Do more of it if you like, or stay the course. Tell a friend about it so they can help you appreciate it and encourage you to keep doing it.

Alternative #3: Hibernate

What if you don’t feel a sense of possibility in the New Year? What if it’s cold and dark, and you just feel tired? Hibernation is also a good choice. You don’t have to take time off work or an extended trip to a remote cabin in the woods. It’s more a matter of not making any new projects and hitting pause on any social engagements that feel like work. Scale back for a time and rest. We aren’t meant to keep the same routines and rhythms all the time. We are animals, fundamentally, and we live in nature and its seasons. Paring things down to a minimum for the winter (or summer if you’re in the Southern hemisphere) can be very generative. If you’re not sure what to do during a period like this, check in with your body and see what you can do to give it what it wants. If you’re having trouble giving yourself permission, take a look at Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hershey or Wintering by Katherine May for some inspiration.

Whatever approach you decide to take, I hope the new year brings many good things your way!

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