Recently I gave a talk on burnout to a group of passionate leaders. I posed a series of questions that I often find myself asking people who are working to recover from or prevent burnout. One of them was:
Where are you willing to fail?
As you can imagine, this question generated a lot of discomfort. No one is in love with the idea of failing at anything. Fear of failing, or being perceived to fail, leaves us vulnerable. This fear is manipulated and exploited by our culture at every turn. But the good news is that we can turn this into a huge asset by cultivating a willingness to fail.
Failing to meet expectations is a revolutionary act.
An excellent example of revolutionary failure is Simone Biles, who “failed” to compete in the 2021 Olympics, “failed” to win gold, “failed” to live up to the expectations of team, country, etc.
To fail to meet expectations is to choose something else that is actually more important to us. Very often, that something else goes unnamed and unacknowledged. Naming it turns a perceived failure into a revolutionary act of choosing what we give value to, rather than allowing values to be dictated to us. Simone Biles chose to value her safety, as well as her mental and physical health, over meeting the world’s expectations by going ahead with a competition even if it meant risking her safety.
We have the opportunity to make similar choices.
- You could fail to meet a deadline in service of being there for your kid’s birthday party.
- You could fail to get promoted in service of doing the work you enjoy rather than moving into management.
- You could fail to get a good performance review in service of speaking up about inequality and prejudice in your environment.
In renegotiating expectations, ask yourself, where am I willing to fail, and in service of what? How can I make failing a revolutionary act?
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Kathryn Stinson
I help passionate people identify and dismantle the cultural drivers of burnout, so they can serve their big visions without burning out. Find information and strategies for dealing with burnout here, or reach out to work with me.
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